NotScarlett

Shellfish, Phone Rage, and a New Addiction

I can't focus. Must blog at work. I stayed up very late last night watching this and playing this. Get ready for the brief version of the holiday weekend recap!

Christmas Eve Eve (Friday afternoon) was spent dyeing recycled yarn. I thought I had pics. I'll post some later since I thought wrong.

Christmas Eve at my aunt's house, minus Brian, who was on call and missed almost the entire thing. He got there, had to leave, and came back several hours later when I was ready to go home. I went home, he stayed and mingled. Stupid on call phone.

Food and my sister

More food...that's what 8 pounds of shrimp, 3 dozen clams, 2 dozen mussels, 6 pounds of potatoes, and 12 ears of corn looks like after boiled up in some tasty seasonings. Please direct your attention to my happy juice on the far right.

Family, specifically, my sister and one of my cousins. Obviously, I had been drinking. Note the blurriness, which means I was waving the camera around. What an ass.

My uncle, with the gift he got in the gift exchange. Yeah, it was from us.

Christmas Day

Um, yeah, no pics of Christmas day. I was lazy.  Let's see....oh, Brian was still on call. The on call phone never stopped ringing. I hate that phone. We opened presents from my mom and grandparents. I got some fun stuff like a knitting pattern a day calender, assorted gift cards to various establishments, Burt's Bees products, a lovely pair of white gold hoops, a cribbage set, and some other stuff I can't think of at the moment. My good buddy Rae gave me a gift certificate to the yarn store. Brian was super excited about the multi-tool my mom sent him. No, really. He wouldn't stop talking about it. Nina got him this:

Sampson got gifts from my mom, and my grandparents. Here he is playing with one:

Christmas Day-Evening: Brian got sick. We rented movies. We bought a certain addictive game and started our odyssey of wasting time.

Monday we tried to go shopping. Guess what? THE ON CALL PHONE WOULDN'T STOP RINGING. I don't think I have ever heard Brian swear as much as he did yesterday. A confession? He was in the bathroom once when it started ringing? And I? Turned it off? Because I am evil? And wanted him to not curse and be unhappy? Yeah. Too bad the people CALLED BACK. Four times. Bastards. It wasn't even an emergency. Dude. Rant over.

I went shopping though. For new towels. 12 of them, because Brian said we needed them and handed me money. I love it when that happens, it's awesome.

Then I did laundry. And made steak sandwiches. And played PS2 for um, 5hoursstraight.

Yeah, that whole knitting thing I had planned on was kinda waylaid by the Sims.

How was YOUR weekend? I hope it was wonderful!

Holiday Wishes and Sweater Recycling

I got my knitting mojo back, baby! YEAH!

Last night I went home DYING TO KNIT. I mean, my fingers were itching. I spread out 11 different patterns, got out a bunch of yarn and finally decided on this lacy little bag I thought I could finish in time for Christmas for my sister. (No, I didn't smoke any crack before coming up with that idea.) I went into the stash closet to get a tape measure. That's when the plans for the bag all came crashing down.

I saw this:

A thrift store sweater made of a mohair/wool blend yarn that Brian and I picked up at Goodwill in October, just waiting to be recycled. The cables are pretty, but the stains and the shape? NOTSOMUCH.

I got to work. The tag that said "Firenze, Italy-HANDKNIT" was accurate, because this entire thing came apart beautifully. There was no sewing thread to be found; the whole thing was seamed with yarn. Glorious.

See that brown thread running through the yarn? It's not part of the yarn, its some kind of crazy wrap thing, and I removed it as I unwound. It was yucky.

I ended up with this:

I still have two large sleeves to unravel. Then it's getting skeined up and cleaned up and dyed. I'm very excited about this. The yarn is lovely, it reminds me a bit of Lamb's Pride but less mohair-fuzzy. It's on the bulky side, and I have a few ideas for projects. So. Excited. Merry Christmas to me on this one, people.

The office closes early today, and I have Monday off.  YAY! I am finding it exceedingly difficult to focus on work. All I can think about is what I need to get at the store this afternoon for our shrimp boil extravaganza tomorrow, and the 10 dollar gift exchange item I need to pick up. I think buying several pounds of shrimp and finding a small gift that a male or female, adult or teenager would appreciate will be my excuses for not going to the gym this afternoon.  Yeah. Procrastination is my middle name.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow night, right about the time we will be lining up for Midnight Mass. I'd prefer snow, but I don't think I have a choice in the overall precipitation decision. We've had temps in the low 20's the past two nights, and this is what one of my car windows looked like this morning:

Brian gave in to peer pressure/cold dangly bits and turned on the damn heat. I told him I am very disappointed in his lack of commitment enjoying the cold, and that he ruined everything by using the heater. I think he may have rolled his eyes at me. He says he just had something in one of them, but looking back on it, I'm pretty sure it was an eye roll.

Not to put a damper on things, but.....A family friend has suffered a stroke. He is 37 years old, and is not doing well. Please say a prayer to whoever/whatever you believe in for him and his family. This came as a complete and total shock, and it is a very scary and sad situation.

I'm off to create the illusion of productivity. I hope that whatever y'all celebrate, you celebrate it happily this weekend. I wish you safe travels and special time with loved ones, and hope all your holiday wishes come true.

Down with the Sickness

Remember how I have been saying for a few weeks now I am fighting off a cold, geting sick, blah blah blahbitty blah?

Yeah. Full-fledged sinus emergency over here.

I spent most of Monday and all of Tuesday holed up in my house with Sampson, swaddled in blankets and cuddling the remote, nodding in and out of sleep on my tiny loveseat. I felt so sick I didn't even knit. I was home from work for a day and a half, and I didn't touch the needles once. See? I really was sick.

Um, no knitting got done...buuuuuuut.....remember those Jaywalkers I was so proud of? I was on sock #1? All set to do the heel? No. Not so much. I ripped it out because I could not deal with all my mistakes. I plan on casting on again this weekend. I have serious knitter's depression. I am not motivated to knit ANYTHING at the moment. Argh. I hate this.

I still feel pretty crappy, but have discovered that a combo of sinus irrigation, warm, moist face compresses, and baths taken with lots of Rosemary Mint body wash and spearmint bath salts really help a girl decongest. Oh, and a shit ton of DayQuil helps too.

One thing DID get accomplished while I was home wallowing in my illness. My downstairs bathroom was cleaned and put back together. You may remember that Thanksgiving weekend I had the brilliant idea to remove ugly wallpaper, paint bathroom, and make it look less icky. After several weeks of painting because I am lazy and a perfectionist, it is now done. Yesterday afternoon I cleaned all the paint spatter off the floor where somehow it got around my careful plastic covered work area, and put up my new shower curtain and guest towels. It looks fabulous. Did I take a picture to show you? Of course not, because I am a total dunce.

I'm feeling a little bit better about this whole holiday thing, although I am still super homesick. I cope by calling my mom twice a day and drinking lots of hot chocolate. It's helping a little bit.

In an attempt to break out of a Christmas rut, I did the most un-fun thing I could think of, and did some holiday baking over the weekend. Thankfully, it was just bread, so it wasn't very time consuming and didn't make me want to poke my eyes out.  I also finished up the little bit of Christmas shopping I planned on doing this year. My Christmas plans have slightly changed due to the decisions of some family members....long story, but now the deal is Brian and I will be having a seafood boil and board game extravaganza at my aunt's house on Christmas Eve. After eating until we become sloth-like and me beating many people at Scrabble repeatedly, I will be dragging my man to Midnight Mass. Good times, good times. Christmas Day we will be doing nothing. Really. I mean, I might knit, he might play some bass, we might walk the dog, but that's about it.

I will leave you with some pictures:

Sampson and I made some Milkbones over the weekend, thanks to a lovely lady who provided the recipe.

My sister got me a collectible Marilyn Monroe ornament. Check her out. She's super excited about the Messiah.

Yeah, I'm going to hell.

I'll be home(sick) for Christmas

In my family, we have these Christmas stockings.

They aren't extravagant. No embroidery or satin or sequins. No bells or ribbons or hand-painted details. The stockings have a red felt body and a white felt cuff.  Each family members stocking has his or her name sewn on the cuff  in red felt. I don't know who made they stockings, or where they were purchased, but they came from my maternal grandparents. My grandparents traditionally have "stocking custody" if you will, and until two Christmases ago, my stocking has followed me "home" every year, no matter where I am.

My stocking has a jingle bell in the toe that my grandfather put there when I was 12. Every year I empty my stocking, but I always put the jingle bell back, and think of my grandfather. The brass hook my mother used to hang the stocking in our first house is also in the toe of my stocking. That too, gets put back every year. There is also a nail in the stocking, which I saved from a time when it was hung at my grandparents house. A small, flimsy picture hanger keeps the bell and other items company year after year, as does a tiny finishing nail with traces of white paint on the head.

Every year, once my stocking has been emptied of its goodies, I reach deep down into the toe, and take out the tiny bits of hardware and that jingle bell, and hold them in my palm. Each item reminds me of a different Christmas, a different place where my stocking was hung, and the people with whom I shared Christmas morning. I put each nail back, one by one, hoping no one notices what I am doing. I slip the picture hanger back into the stocking, surreptitiously shaking my hardware stash back into the toe of my stocking where they will remain another year. I always put the bell back last, giving it a few good jingles before I tuck it away.

I don't know if anyone was aware of my strange little Christmas ritual until now. I am sure that some may find it strange that I save nails and tacks and jingle bells in my Christmas stocking, and some may find it even stranger that I cherish these small things on a day as big as Christmas. For me, these bits of metal represent home. I know where every nail came from. I know who hammered them in to which wall or mantelpiece. I remember the look on my grandfather's face when I told him how I have saved the jingle bell for thirteen years simply because he put it there. These things mean more to me than I can explain with simple words.

I don't even know where my stocking is this year. I think my mom has it, but there's a chance my aunt has it here in Tallahassee. Maybe it has been sent back to my grandparents. Wherever it is, it is probably still full of nails and a lone jingle bell, and I will be thinking of those things on Christmas Day.

Can you tell I'm homesick? I love Christmas. This year is hard though; Brian and I aren't really celebrating as we are trying to save money for a new bed/furniture for our white trash palace. I have decorated the house here and there, and will be getting gifts for a few folks I feel obligated to buy for, but won't be spending more than 50-75 bucks on gifts this year. My favorite part of Christmas is giving gifts, so that kinda puts a damper on things for me this year. Also? I miss my mom. Terribly. I'm trying not to focus on it too much, but the other night I was at Publix and the Muzak version of "I'll Be Home for Christmas" started playing, and I lost it. I started weeping right there in the meat department. The butcher looked concerned.

Oh, and also? I'm sick. It's a sinus thing, and my face hurts. My head hurts. My throat and ears hurt. My eyes are burning like someone planted a lavender bush in my office, and my nose feels like it is packed with cotton. The Airborne/Wild Oregano Oil combo didn't work, and the DayQuil ain't helping. I want my mommy.

I feel like crap. At least I have my bloggy pals, though! After all the talk about fondling hardware and crying in the meat department, you still love me, right guys? I mean, you don't think I'm too koo-koo bananas, do ya?

Guys?

Hello?

Where did you go?

Shit.

More hobbies....mmmmmm....

I'm getting sick and I have to work late. UGH.

I would like to take a minute and sent a quick shout out to whoever found my blog with the search "show me butt naked girls in the middle of the street."

Look what my Secret Pal sent me:

Do you see what I see?

Yup. A SPINDLE. And roving. And if you look in the lower left hand corner, real close-like, you may see the puddle of drool I made when I opened this box. You can't see the Interweave Press newbie spinning book because I was too busy clutching it to my chest and dancing around with it. Theres a stack of old school sci-fi paperbacks when Brian and I may arm wrestle over. There's a desk calendar with pin up art by my favorite pin up artist. There is a cone of Brown Sheep Wild Foot. (Why do I think there is supposed to be an "e" on the end of that?? Is there? Oh well. ) There is a yummy super delicious softer than a newborn's butt skein of Lorna's Laces Shepherd Worsted. There is lemongrass soap. AND DO YOU SEE MY SPINDLE??? AND ROVING???

That sound you just heard was my head exploding. 

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Secret Pal!

We love the Secret Pal. Go say hi to her, the lovely Miss Robyn of Sweet Little Domestic Life. Check out her sweet tiki stuff, and the AWESOME couch she just got. Score!

Now I have to get back to work. The fancy lunch I had at my favorite restaurant for a co-workers birthday is so not helping me stay wide awake and focused. Stupid delicious carbs.

I got stripes...

...stripes around my shoulders....

(Sorry, Stacey. It has to happen.)

See this?

It's a close up of this.

Which also looks like this:

And this:

And this:

He won't let us take it off. Yesterday he whined at Brian until he put it on him. He has been wearing it for an entire day now, and seems to love it. I woke up in the middle of the night to see passed out sweater wearing puppy curled up on my feet at the end of the bed. I love this damn dog. How can you not?

The sweater is rolling at the bottom, which is not cool, however, I worry that if I pick up stitches and knit on some ribbing, it will be too long and there may be some pee-pee impingement issues, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, I am thinking that MAYBE if I made Brian sew a kind of cuff/hem the sweater, that the rolling would stop. Any ideas on this one, o wise knit bloggers?

The sweater is LOOSELY modeled after Casey's Coat in SnB Nation, with a few modifications for Sam's size and my own variations on the leg openings/sleeves. This was a fast knit, and a good stash buster, I used some Red Heart from the stash, back from when I didn't know any better when it comes to buying yarn.

In other news: Traveling for work kicks my ass, but knitting Jaywalkers during tedious meetings makes all the pain worthwhile. (Oh, and mileage reimbursement and lodging and three meals a day on the company doesn't hurt either.)  I'm at the fun heel-turning point, and think I have royally f'ed up the whole deal, as I am not understanding the heel-flap-on-magic-loop thing as of yet. Must. Do. Research.

I think I may need to take a little knitting break though....unfortunately, my carpal tunnel is rearing its ugly and quite painful head. My right wrist/hand hurts like hell, and is almost constantly numb. Funny, this is the same time last year I started having this problem. At any rate, it's wrist braces and anti-inflammatory meds for me for a few days. So sad.

Want a random subject change? Here ya go:

Did you know WalMart sells stripper shoes? Check out these lovelies:

Clear and plastic and skanky. The best part? When you walk, the heel LIGHTS UP.

Dude.

Yeah.

Know what else? BLOGLINES BLOWS.

Be a clown

Thanks for all the happy thoughts and sympathy/empathy re: yesterday's post. I am glad that I was able to get some laughs....believe it or not, that made me feel lots better.

I stayed up until about 1 this morning working on Sampson's sweater. I'm almost finished, I should have some pics up soon. Needless to say, since the temperature is dropping daily here and my puppy is shivering pathetically in the living room, he needs his sweater, stat. This means Jaywalker #1 is being neglected. Poor sock.

I should be able to make some progress on the sock though, as I'm off to Destin for the next two days. Don't envy me, it's all work related. Meetings and meetings and meetings, with a little field work thrown in. I totally plan on knitting in at least one of the meetings. Hmmmm....maybe I can get off work early enough to fondle things here. Fondle only, because this bitch is BROKE.

I had some fun mail today....my lapsed good Catholic self received a lovely Nativity Scene from my mommy. Thanks, mom! I'll be putting it up this evening.

Speaking of fun mail....

It's here!

Secret Pal Seven

Go sign up if you are interested, and make sure to thank the lovely hostesses for volunteering their time to set this event up!

P.S. I am SO not fishing for thank yous...just wanna make sure all the hostesses get credit where credit is due, as everyone has been working really hard to get things up and running.

Rules of the court

Instead of telling you about the shittiest morning EVER and my super-fucked day in court, I thought I'd share some observations I made while burning in Hell sitting in County small claims court today.

Defendants

1. Must arrive late to court, preferably entering the courtroom while loudly talking on your cell phone.

2. Must fall asleep while waiting for the judge to call your name.

3. Must chew gum and pop it/blow bubbles while addressing the judge.

4. Must not shower, change out of your pajamas, brush your hair or attend to personal hygeine in any other manner before arriving in court.

5. Must get in long, loud "whipser fights" with your husband in the middle of another person's court appearance, causing like 5 people to miss having their name called by the judge.

Court Employees

1. Must weigh a minimum of 300 pounds.

2. Must be a minimum of 104 years old.

3. Must speak so softly that no one can hear you over the couple whisper-fighting in the front of the room.

4. Must constantly discuss in a loud whipser what you are going to eat for lunch today with other court employees, even after the judge has reprimanded you twice for being too noisy and distracting from the purpose of the court.

5. Must say, "GIT R DUUUUNNNN" after the docket is cleared. If no one laughs at this "clever and witty statement" the first time, repeat over and over and over until someone gives you a goddamn courtesy laugh and you can shut the fuck up.

Attorneys

1. Must have a penis. No girls allowed.

2. Must have jowls, even if you are a slim, weasely lookin' feller.

3. Must laugh loudly at jokes other attorneys are making about defendants in the middle of court.

4. Must play with your Blackberry all through court and look around to make sure people notice how important you are which is clearly shown by you playing with your Blackberry.

5. Must dress like Gordon Gekko. If you cannot dress like Gordon Gekko, you must at least copy his hairstyle. If not, you are not cool and cannot be in the "Kool Lawyers Only" club.

Courthouse

1. Must be on the verge of being condemned.

2. Must smell like urine is used to mop floors.

3. Must have confusing directions that contradict each other posted all over building, so no one can find their way in/out/around the courthouse.

4. Must have flickering fluorescent lights that cause migraines.

5. Must stink like rotting cheese/horse shit.

Bastard Lawyers from Jacksonville who Phone In for Mediations

1. Must threaten the defendant repeatedly, even though the mediator is sitting right next to her hearing every word you say over the speaker phone.

2. Must be an hour late to the mediation you ordered and scheduled.

3. Must remind the defendant and the mediator several times that you are a "powerful attorney", just in case they care, want your autograph, feel the need to offer you a blow job, etc, etc.

4. Must laugh at your own jokes, because mediation is TOTALLY the best time to crack yourself up by mocking other people's financial situations.

5. Must make irrational, impossible demands, leading the defendant to believe you feel insecure about the size of your wang, and that you are a rotten bastard for escalating the situation to trial.

Ahem. There you have it. Court blew. It blew like nothing has even blown before.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

One More Thing

Soooo....while praying for the tornado badness to stay far, far away from me, I had a chance to peruse the new Knitty.

Oh Lawdy. This is the first time I have ever seen a pattern in Knitty and instantly thought, "I don't care what it takes. I don't care if it beyond my skill level, or if I suck at reading charts, or if my buttonholes look like ass.  I WILL MAKE THAT. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine."

The reason I am smitten with this pattern has nothing to do with the fact that it's name makes me think of a certain fictional Sydney. It's the timeless, classic, gorgeous design. I adore this sweater. I want to marry it.

Severe Weather Warning

I know I mentioned it before, but I will mention it again since yesterday was the end of SP6. I had the privilege of spoiling Rebecca, the saucy lass over at The Black Stitch. This was my first SP event, and I had a really good time being a spoiler to Rebecca. Unfortunately, things are getting nasty with some of the hostesses and participants on the SP6 blog. For the record, I think the people who sign up for such events and then TOTALLY BAIL, or even partially bail, for that matter, on their pals, deserve any snarky comments, etc. they get. A SP exchange is supposed to be as much about giving as it is about receiving. I can see where both participants and hostesses have room to be frustrated with the underachievers of Secret Pal events. There, I'm done....I'm really trying not to say anything else. Really. It's taking a major effort, but I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Oh, and me? SP7? I'm a hostess. I know, genius move, right? ;)

There's a tornado warning in these here parts, and we are having some ass-kicking thunderstorms at the moment. I fully expect to lose power just as I am posting this. Good times, good times.

As promised, here's some less-sucktacular pics of the Multi-directional Scarf.

Annnnnnnddddd.......may I introduce........

JAYWALKER NUMBER 1!!!

4 episodes of Gilmore Girls back to back + Jaywalker #1=PROGRESS

Ok now we have 2 tornadoes touching down south of here, one just went through one of our subdivisions and if very possibly headed my way. Before I go cry for my mommy, check out the cute Gingerbread house Brian's mom got me. She's so sweet (no pun intended.)

Court tomorrow....UGH. Stay tuned.

Oh...and lady? That's 5 dog-photo free posts. HA!